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Suggested reading

  • William Eddy: It's All Your Fault
  • William Eddy : High Conflict People
  • Isolina Ricci: Mom's House, Dad's House: A Complete Guide for Parents Who Are Separated, Divorced, or Remarried
  • Constance Ahrons (1994) : The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart
  • Diana Mercer and Marsha Klein-Pruett: Your Divorce Advisor : A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce
  • Philip M. Stahl, Ph.D (2000) : Parenting After Divorce: A Guide to Resolving Conflicts and Meeting Your Children's Needs
  • Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee (2003) : What About the Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During , and After Divorce

High Conflict Parents Should Be Reading

It might sound trite to tell high conflict parents to read, but reading actually helps.   If you can get your clients to commit to just read a few chapters of any of the following books, there is a chance of real progress in some of the high conflict cases we see.  

Most high conflict parents aren't fighting out of a love of fighting---they are fighting out of hurt, anger, a lack of information, a lack of understanding, and very very poor communication.

Check out any or all of the following for real parenting help for your clients:

Parenting After Divorce, by Phil Stahl, Ph.D

The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go of Conflict After a Difficult Divorce, by Jeffrey Zimmerman, Ph.D. and Elizabeth Thayer, Ph.D.

Joint Custody With a Jerk, by Julie Ross and Judy Cochran  (terrible title, good book)

What About the Kids?  Raising Your Children Before, During and After Divorce, by Judith Wallerstein (especially the chapter on High Conflict Divorce)

Court of Appeals Weighs in on Private School Choice

The Court of Appeals, ruling on a Petition for Special Action, found that the Superior Court has authority to order an objecting parent to pay private school tuition, even for a private religious school, if that school placement is found to be in the child’s best interests. Jordan v. Rea, 1 CA-SA 09-0007 (May 28, 2009)  Download JordanSchoolChoiceCase

 

Further, the Court of Appeals set the standard for the Court to choose a child’s school, where the parents cannot agree, and that standard is the child’s best interests.   This Opinion's three major findings are:

 

(1)   The superior court is to apply a best interests standard when parents obligated to work together are unable to reach agreement as to school placement; (2) A private religious school may not be precluded from consideration as the child’s school placement merely because it is a private religious school; and (3) The superior court has authority to order an objecting parent to pay child support for the school placement that is determined to be in the best interests of the child even if it is a private religious school.

 

The parenting plan in his case contained a provision which is ommon to many plans: “Both parents shall make all major educational decisions together for the children.”   

 

A key point to this opinion is that the children of the parties were already attending a religious private school at the time of the Superior Court’s ruling.  The older child had started at private school and was in fifth grade there at the time of the divorce; the younger child had started at the private school as a kindergartener while the divorce was pending.  The importance of that fact is highlighted in Footnote 3, which states:   “We further conclude that the trial court erred by ruling that the re-enrollment of the children in the same school they had been attending for several years constituted a new “major educational decision” that required the consent of both Mother and Father. To the contrary, Father apparently had originally consented to the children’s attendance at the religious school. Now, he has changed his mind and wants the children to attend a public school. Therefore, it is Father, rather than Mother, who wishes to reach a new “major educational decision” under the terms of the parenting plan, and without Mother’s agreement, it is Father who has the burden to show that his proposed change in the children’s school is in their best interests.”

 

The Court of Appeals disposed of the obvious constitutional argument by relying on the parties’ inability to agree on this issue:

 

Father objects to applying this standard on the basis that it interferes with his constitutional right to direct the upbringing of his child.    What Father’s argument does not accommodate is that each parent has a constitutional right to the upbringing of his or her child. [Citation omitted]   In this case, however, each parent has chosen to exercise that constitutional right in a different manner. Consequently, the court is called upon to resolve that conflict. In such a setting, there is no usurpation by the court of either parent’s constitutional rights.

 

This opinion pulled the specific criteria for a custody award from ARS 25-320, replacing that statute's reference to "custody" with “school placement” for purposes of this opinion.   The opinion then adds additional criteria to be used for the school determination, as follows:

Arizona trial courts should consider [the following factors] when applicable and as the circumstances warrant: (1) the child’s educational needs; (2) the qualifications of the teachers at each school; (3) the curriculum used and method of teaching at each school; (4) the child’s performance in each 21 school; (5) whether the proposed or current school situation complies with state law; (6) whether one school is more suitable given the child’s medical condition or other special needs; (7) whether one school would allow the child to maintain ties to a

nonresidential parent’s religious beliefs; (8) whether requiring the child to leave the child’s current school would aggravate the difficulties of the divorce; and (9) whether continuing in a

particular school would be essential or beneficial to the child’s welfare.

 

The Court concluded by noting that a finding that private school attendance is in the child’s best interests does not necessarily mandate that the objecting parent participate in tuition, as payment of private school tuition requires a different standard.  The Child Support Guidelines require that each parent’s ability to pay be considered.   The Court recognized that in a case where private school tuition is considered in the child’s best interests, it is likely that the tuition amount will be factored into the child support amount, but a situation could exist where a parent’s ability to pay does not support including tuition in the child support amount.

 

If the trial court concludes that it is in the child’s best interests to attend a private religious school, the trial court may also determine that such expenses are “reasonable and necessary” and order a parent to participate in paying for them, notwithstanding the parent’s objection

 

High Conflict Issues and Parental Alienation

For a great new article by Bill Eddy on High Conflict Personalities (HCPs), see his blog at Alienation in the News by Bill Eddy

Borderline and Narcissistic Personal Disorders and Divorce

Starting Thursday March 19, lawyer, therapist, author and High Conflict Personality expert Bill Eddy will join Stop Walking on Eggshells author and BPD advocate Randi Kreger fo four 1-hour teleseminars about handling relationships with people who have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).  

Recent research indicates that one in four people who have BPD also have NPD. Relationships with people who have these disorders are difficult. Join this teleseminar to learn about handling relationships with them. $20/seminar.

 Register now or read more.

TELESEMINAR 3  -  May 21

DECIDING WHETHER TO STAY OR LEAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A BPD/NPD PARTNER

Randi discusses making this decision with BPDs. Bill follows with a discussion of special issues with combined BPD/NPDs.                              


TELESEMINAR 4  - June 18

DIVORCING A BPD/NPD PARTNER

Randi and Bill discuss relationship and legal issues when divorcing BPDs and NPDs.

Judge Assignments effective March 16, 2009

Family Court assignments effective March 16, 2009

 

Here's the full list from the Superior Court website:  Judicial Assignments March 2009

and the Family Court Assignments are:

PHOENIX DOWNTOWN

Colleen McNally, Presiding

Dean Fink

Lisa Flores

Edward Bassett

Comm. Colleen French (judge pro tem) (takes over Michael Gordon’s calendar)

Hugh Hegyi

Daniel Martin

Michael McVey

Robert Miles

Susanna Pineda

Peter Reinstein

Randall Warner

NORTHEAST

Alfred Fenzel

Michael Gordon (takes over John Rea’s calendar)

Ruth Hilliard

Carey Hyatt

Paul Katz

Linda Miles

SOUTHEAST/ Mesa

Bruce Cohen

David B. Gass

Jo Lynn Gentry-Lewis

Karen Potts

Sherry Stephens

NORTHWEST/ Surprise

William  Brotherton

Jose Padilla